Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
