We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
