Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
