Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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