I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
