Need sex. Gaining weight.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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