OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
