3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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