At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
