My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize