i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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