apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
