My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
