I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
