He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
