He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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