she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
