she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
