Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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