there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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