I bet he comes in French.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
