I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize