If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
