Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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