Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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