Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i love accidental penises.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
