I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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