The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
