whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
