I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
