those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My feet surprised me
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