i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize