the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
