I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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