True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
