and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
