one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
