3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
