it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
