You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
