We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize