Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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