He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
