I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
