Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
