5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
