a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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