As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
