the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
