I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
