I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
