omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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