Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize