man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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