Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
