Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize