So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
do nipples grow back?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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