After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
