you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do you remember whose house we're in?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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