It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I have fence marks all over my body
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
