Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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