shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
third nipple confirmed
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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