She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
