i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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