You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
