i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
