if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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