Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize