Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
