Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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