About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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