1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
