Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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