so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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