The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i think my tv is drunk
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
