The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
