So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
