I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
