Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
