whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
someone threw a dead crab at me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
