a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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