They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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