hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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