I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
