Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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