Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
