No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
