see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
