Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
