I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
