highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
