So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
