i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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