I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
